Bile and Venom

The first weekend of the new year I went on a staff trip. I decided to go on this trip because I was thinking it will be fun to see a couple areas of Taiwan that I haven't been to yet and I will spend some time with my co-workers and get to know them better.
Oy.
We were told to be on the bus and ready to go by 6:30 am. That's just silly early, but I'm only a five minute walk from where the bus will be so this is something I can handle. I am there by 6:20 and half an hour later we finally get going. One of these days I will remember that nothing ever happens on time here. Unless you are working if you are going out with Taiwanese people there is a good 30 minute window after the time you are told things will start.
We drive to another branch that is close by to pick up some more people. As I'm sitting on the bus waiting Tania (not me, my friend) gets off to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes back and starts waving at me from outside to get off the bus. I then notice that all the people from my branch are getting off the bus. Apparently we are moving to a different bus. No one that is actually on the bus bothered to tell me this.
Everyone that is on these buses speaks at least a little bit of English. Most are teachers and speak it very well. However, no one is bothering to explain what the hell is going on in English to those of us who don't understand Chinese. This trip is not starting off well.
At the first stop we are going bike riding. I love bike riding and in fact had just gone the day before with Tania and Victoria in Fulong. We had a great time.
The weather was great for riding. Sunny but cool. The bikes are not stellar because they are rentals and seriously abused, but it was a nice ride nonetheless once you got away from the masses of slow moving people.

(my opinion of the day so far)

(river we biked over)
We are supposed to be back on the bus and ready to go by 11:30. This of course does not happen. It's almost 12:30 by the time we finally get going. I have not eaten since 6 am and I am not feeling great to begin with. The longer we wait the crankier I get. We finally get going and the televisions are fired up. I plan to ignore this and just read until I notice that they are cued up for KTV (karoke). Oh dear God in heaven please no. Oh yes. There is much singing in Chinese and of course the microphone makes it's way around to me and I decline and nicely as I can at this point.
We get to the restaurant which is set up specifically for tour groups. I've been to one of these before and the food was pretty good. We walk into this place and the floor is sticky. Never a good sign. Tania goes to the bathroom and tells us that it's not nice. Another bad sign. The food was tepid and generally not tasty. I am not impressed. So far the day is not improving.
Our next stop is at a historical city. It's one of the oldest cities in Taiwan (I would tell you the name if I had actually been told where the hell I was). We have no idea what we are supposed to be looking for or at and when we ask our area manager she also tells us she does not know. This is not even a little reassuring when even the Chinese speakers don't know what is going on.
We are told to follow the crowd and we will be fine. I think that means our group, but then we are led to the beginning of a market street. Oh goody.

We wander about and finally make it to the area where there are actual historical buildings. We get to see an ancient temple, but do not have time to explore the rest of the area because we only have half an hour to get back to the bus and it will take us that long to walk back through the crowds. We of course don't have enough time to really look around because we have been behind schedule all day long so this part gets sacrificed.
We finally get to go to the hotel and chill out off of the fucking bus for a little while.
Tania and I manage to finagle it so we can stay in the same room together instead of her staying with a stranger and me being in a room with 3 others.
The hotel is quite nice and one part of this debacle is finally shiny.
We are to meet downstairs at 6:30 to go to dinner. We are going for Japanese food.
P.J. and Ming, the two other NST's that we met don't want Japanese food and invite us to skip out and go out for western food. Sounds good. We have to go to the Japanese place though because pics are going to be taken and this is a staff trip.
We get there and plan to leave as soon as the pictures are done. The plan is thwarted however, when we are seated at the table with our area director. Well crap. We can't exactly skip out now. Would not look good. Okay, not that big a deal. We'll just meet up with them after we are done eating.
Alice, the person who is responsible for this entire weekend(I don't like her), is dressed in a gown and up on stage and behind her is a large screen that is cued up and ready to go for KTV. We are serenaded throughout the entire 12 course meal (yes 12. it was out of hand). This trip is not making me like KTV anymore. I'm bordering on homicidal rage at the mention of it at this point.
Tania and I finally couldn't take it anymore and made excuses and got the hell out of there.
The rest of the evening went much better.

On to Sunday.
For our first adventure of this day we are going mushroom picking. Alright. I like mushrooms. This could be entertaining. We get to the warehouse that holds the mushrooms and all the mushrooms have just been harvested so we don't get to pick a damn thing. We can buy all the mushrooms and mushroom themed things we can carry though. Well yippee!
(They missed a few)
Okay off to the next place which happily turns out to be two minutes away.
We are going to an English castle. In the middle of Taiwan. So I asked why is there an English style castle in the middle of Taiwan? I was told that it's strictly a tourist attraction. That's absolutely hilarious to me. You have to pay to get on the grounds and then you get to wander around and you can go to the several cafe's and drink and eat over priced tourist stuff.


Back on the bus once more and off to lunch. Lunch was mushroom themed hot pot. Pretty tasty.
Lunch is done back on the bus once again (I'm really starting to hate the bus).
Now we are off to the winery where we are supposed to be able to tour the facilities and make our own bottle of wine.
We get there and are herded up to the second floor which is a cafe (again). They are not in fact making wine at this time. Of course not. Why would a winery be making wine when tour groups are scheduled to come through. You can still make your own bottle of wine though. ???
Oh no no no. Not make actual wine, you can decorate a shampoo sized bottle of wine for only $150NT.
That's not funny.
No seriously that's what it is.
I hate these people right now.
I am never going on another staff trip.
Get back on the bus. Are we going home yet?
Nope one more thing.
We are going to a fruit farm.
Is this going to be like the mushrooms where they say we are going to do something but are just teasing?
I don't know.
We got to go pick oranges. That was actually really nice. The air was full of mist and we could get away from the crowd of people for a little bit. One of the men that worked on the farm was excitedly showing us how to pick the oranges and showing us the best trees.


We are finally heading back home.
We get to Nangang and for reasons that have yet to be explained to me we once again have to switch buses and get on the one that will take us to Sihjih.
Never again.